We all need to change...

Yesterday I was off from work and was spending the day with my lady.... Well that was how it was supposed to go that is. It ended up being a day of us fighting and not getting along, so I basically stayed downstairs folding our mountain of laundry and cleaning up. But see when I am frustrated I sort of clean a bunch of spots at once sometimes I finish a spot and continue but not yesterday. I was so overwhelmed with emotions; see right now money is so damn tight we have been living off of what ever we have left from when we have gone shopping before and things like that. Than on top of the lack of money I was negative in my bank account, Dee still hadn't heard anything from her job and me? I still hadn't heard from my second job. I also am PMSing on top of it this time thought mean I am a little crabby but very emotional, so I knew my breakdown was beckoning to come through but I tried to ignore it of course. I do not enjoy crying nor do I like it when people see me cry at all, well I ended up balling my eyes out.
See when Dee and I first started date sex and love was what it was meant to be fun,romantic and spontaneous; well then life sort of threw us both a curve ball and we had the most screwed up schedules for work. This put bit of a damper on our sex life and time together in general. Now I am a pretty vocal person at times, I don't always voice what is bothering and when I do I usually explode. Which was yesterday to the max! I was ranting and raving on the inside, I was mad,hurt, and sad. I never said much until I couldn't take it anymore. I don't know how things got so bad, have you ever been there? Ever sat there and gone wow how did it get so bad? Why are we where we are right now? Well that was last night that was us.Everything was being taken the wrong way and too personally; which is bad for someone like me being all emotional. I couldn't stand us being mad at each other so I decided I will end it we will kiss and make up!
Well I thought it was going to go that way and it almost did BUT not exactly. Our reoccurring problem is how I seem to want sex on a regular basis we fight about how I seem to care too much about it and that a relationship is more than that. Which I clearly know and it's not how she means it; what she means is don't be a dick when I haven't gotten it and I need to approach her differently about it. I agree I do, I can come off way too well rude about it because I'll complain and say how she gets it all the time and if I don't get it once a week at least I generally start to complain. Well when we started working crazy shifts we would literally have to schedule when we could make time to make love. Sounds shitty huh? romance is sucked right out of it. Well anyways, now things are different we don't need to schedule; things are better so why are we still acting like it was before? Why are we still sucking out the romance? It doesn't have to stay that way. We have fought so much about this and for what? It took me so long to realize that the problem was; that we were living in what we had structured to fit our hectic lives, but now it's not like that anymore. So I said we need to stop stressing ourselves out about really nothing; we need to let things happen not try to control things.
I guess when time goes on you get used to how things were but after a while it may not work. Take a step back and look at how things are do not look at who is to blame but what is the problem not who is. Once you look at the ENTIRE picture things become a lot clearer. Needless to say I think this argument will stop or at least happen a lot less. Even though things are still pretty difficult money wise, overall things are slowly getting better! Dee got her first client today so I'm happy for her because now she is starting her job and I will possibly be doing a job on Wed. for 10 an hour. We are in the process of looking for a place to move into as well with our friends. So time will tell.
Sorry if this blog seems kinda empty; work is hectic today literally has taken almost my entire shift to even get this far, so again sorry if it seems sort of random or spacey. Overall have a goodnight.